Changes

Days pass, orders change. The only thing that hasn't changed in me is my resistance to these changes. If the only thing that does not change is change itself, why am I so afraid of change? Maybe it's because I've never had a regular life?

Depression is such a thing that all you feel is the discomfort of not feeling anything. It scares me so much that I have years that he took from me and that I have more years to take. When I think it will never pass, I wait a lot if it suddenly passes and does not come back. The things I spend seem like yesterday before my eyes. If you put a drop of what I wrote, a bottle of raki goes away in lines that smell melancholy. Your skills will make you forget your character, but this is depression. I cling to the situation that I thought was a lot of love pain, but it was just to feel the pain of losing my feelings again because they made me feel a crumb of emotion. They said you are a melancholic character or I was even called a

drama queen. But what no one bothered to notice was the depression that had plagued me for years. What would I give to get out of this situation? As long as this darkness inside of me ends. May my songs be filled with joy. Let there be memories of not getting rid of difficulties. I'm so tired of asking everyone around me if it will pass. Because it doesn't seem to pass. Even though I smile at myself every day and try to deal with thousands of things, I have nothing to do because I can't get rid of this depression. I can't say that I'm not surprised at how sometimes words pour out on my lines. I guess I need to be understood this much. But I was so bored that I stopped hearing useless solutions and criticisms, I guess. I need a serious amount of alcohol to open my mouth and some joy. I wish I could share them with everyone though. It's not that easy, I guess, to reveal yourself. Is there a sadness that fills the pages, yes, but I don't know if there will be such a book. Maybe an essay or blog. Not a bad idea. But starting a blog also requires effort and I am not sure if I have enough strength for this effort.